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There would be fewer problems with children if they had to chop wood to keep the television set going.
Invite me to your wedding . Invite me to go have fun , but please stop inviting me to your farm .
Do you want to know Victoria`s Secret? Their lingerie doesn`t look the same on your girlfriend as it does on their models..
Not sure why my wife is only mad at me, our 4 year old forgot her birthday too.
Since my girlfriend has gotten pregnant alot has changed... Like my name, address and telephone number.
It’s 2013, why does good food still have calories.
The synonym for `reality` is `offline`
"Latte" is Latin for: You paid too much for that coffee.
If you tell me you`re giving something 110% then I’m assuming the extra 10% is your stupidity.
It`s hard to look like a bad-ass when you`re slurping on a strawberry smoothie.
I`m no different than any other bachelor. I put my pants on one leg at a time and clean the house once every new girlfriend.
I plan my entire day around the possibility of a nap.
My memory foam has amnesia
My sex life is just like my typing skills. One handed.
I have blank business cards I hand out and call them my “none of your business” cards.