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Making everyone happy is impossible. But pissing them off is a piece of cake. I really like cake.
A Waist Is A Terrible Thing To Mind
I imagine a world where whining on Facebook is illegal.
Pro Tip: If you are under the age of 35, don`t get married. If you are over 35, don`t get married. If you are 35, don`t get married.
thumbs up if you pee on the side of the toilet to make it quiet.
If you want to keep a secret from me, put it inside a Facebook event invitation.
Your so old, you knew Burger King when he was a prince.
Sometimes all you need is a hug or someone to tell you everything will be ok, or some rough sex or whatever....
I hate to rub it in, but lotion doesn`t really work otherwise.
Are oranges named orange because they’re orange or is orange called orange because oranges are orange?
is at the park. Unless you’re my boss, in which case, I’m at work.
During the holidays people have to make a choice between enjoying the holidays or spending it with the relatives.
Attention...my facebook page has been hacked. But everyone seems to like the new guy better, me too actually...so f**k it!
If you think husbands aren`t good listeners, whisper "Come here, I`m naked" from anywhere in the house and see what happens.
This salad tastes like I’d rather be fat.