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When your coworker tells you they are getting a divorce a high five is not the right answer. Or so I`ve been told. Twice now.
If you tell someone your Birthday and they automatically know your astrological sign, run as fast as you can away from them.
It must be hard to judge a wet t-shirt contest. I saw one recently and all the t-shirts looked equally wet.
I love my car. Without it, I would not be where I am today.
Is everything expensive or am I just poor?
When bears are around, try to look skinny and they won`t eat you. If that doesn`t work, kick your buddy in the nuts and RUN!
screw flowers, its all about chia pets ;)
I`m not saying that I`ve been online too long, I`m just saying that when I close my eyes I scroll through my thoughts
You don`t have to dress like you`re a handbag, unless you are Lady Gaga.
This is my first lame status of the year. Enjoy!
"2, 4, 6, 8!! Ride my face let`s fornicate!!!" And with that, HR banished me from all future employee picnics.
My wife told me I suffer from a lack of imagination. I said, "Yeah? Well you suffer from a lack of imagination." That showed her.
Take Note: a stress ball can be used for throwing at people who stress you out.. You`re Welcome..
A murderer was about to be put to death in the electric chair. "Do you have any last requests?" asked the chaplain. "One," he replied. "Will you hold my hand?"
Donald Duck, saying screw you to pants since 1934.