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The word "Lovers" bums me out unless it`s between the words "Meat" and "Pizza".
If the voices in my head had a British accent I would listen to them more often.
Quiet people have the loudest minds.
Someone outside the grocery store asked me if I had a few seconds to save the environment. I feel like it would take longer than that...
I`m 5`5" and a HALF. I think men should be pretty impressed that I consider half inches very important when measuring things.
If your lawyer has a ponytail, you`re going to jail
Sometimes, in life, all you really need is a lot of money.
Dont piss me off...I`ll give your number to all the kids and tell them it`s Santa`s hot line!
All I`m saying is you don`t see many neck tattoos on Jeopardy.
So I`m giving up drinking. Hard liquor. On Wednesdays. In June. Next year. (Maybe.)
Have you ever looked at someone and realized "WTF" is always what immediately comes to mind?
Nothing says I have faith in God like the bullet proof glass on the Pope`s car.
I`m out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?
Swearing: because sometimes "golly gee" and "meany" just don`t cut it.
Every so often, I try to fornicate a large word into conversation, even if I`m not sure what it means.