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Three things I’m thankful for this time of year: Family, Friends, and Caller ID to avoid family and friends
I ate cereal for dinner because I do what I want. I`m an adult. Oh did I say adult? I meant poor. It`s because I`m poor.
Can`t afford P90X or INSANITY workout videos? Go find a wasp nest and slap the sh!t out of it. Never knew I could shadow box,bicycle kick,and twirl while floating.
My internet went down for about 5 minutes earlier....so I talked to my family.....they seem like nice people!
Facebook. Where people can express thoughts that otherwise might get them fired, divorced, thrown in a loony bin or all three.
Just tried to parallel park. 5 people are injured, 3 critical, 6 missing. The casualties continue to mount...
I spend 60%of my day worrying that I might have mustard on my face or clothing. The other 40% I am eating mustard.
Deep down I don`t believe that paper beats rock.
Some people are like eye-candy... I`m more like eye-meatloaf.
I don`t know why I think I could survive the Zombie Apocalypse, I cant even handle the puff of air at the eye doctor.
I wish I loved anything as much as rappers love female dogs and gardening tools.
The key to a long relationship: Keep the fights clean and the sex dirty.
I get in this weird mood where I don’t want to talk to anybody and just want to be left alone. I call this mood ‘Awake’
There are sick days, paid holidays, and vacation days. What about "Don`t have any gas to make it to work days"
You sure do seem to know a lot about love and relationships for someone who spends 22 hours a day on Facebook.