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I`m not sure why they gave all these other people cars.
Things I didn`t learn in high school... how to pay bills buy a house apply for college but thank goodness I can graph a polynomial function.
Admitting you have a problem is half the battle. Convincing everyone else that they`re the problem is the other half.
Why is it when you have a day off you seem to bounce out off bed at 6am, but the days you go to work, it takes a forklift and 2 sticks of dynamite to separate me from my pillow??
I just found out it takes 5 sheep to make 1 wool sweater. I didn`t even know they knew how to knit.
Women want a lot of things from one man. Conversely, men want one thing from a lot of women.
You know it`s time to delete Facebook when your mom, dad, uncles, aunties, grandparents etc... is on it.
The bad news is I don’t know what I’m doing with my life. The good news is I no longer give a crap.
A jealous woman does better research than the FBI.
I would unblock you but then I`d be admitting I`d made a mistake and that`s just not my thing.
Parenting gets a lot harder when you can no longer say "I`m calling Santa!"
That weirdo that comes into bars and tries to sell roses would make a lot more money if he sold tacos.
I stopped watching the History Channel because it`s so outdated.
I don’t know how your day is going, but I just got lucky on the couch! Yep, I found a dollar!
"You blew a tranny" means something completely different to an auto mechanic.