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The only thing I`m really learning from this 401K meeting at work this morning is that I`ll probably never be able to retire.
some people just need a high-five......in the face......with a chair!
word of the day: nincomtard
I support recycling, I wore this shirt yesterday.
No one asks the tough questions, like why are drug dealers on the metric system?
I put ALL my eggs in one basket at the grocery store.... Today..!!
If you laid out all of the people in the world who were ever mean to me, I could then drive my car over them.
The difference between cheating on your wife and cheating on your taxes is if you tell the truth, the IRS still wants to f*ck you.
I never wanted to grow up, I just wanted to be tall enough to reach the cookies.
I hung a horseshoe above the door for goodluck ... My wife still came home ... Superstitions are stupid.
When I was a kid, I wanted to be a Pilot...but apparently I was too young.
Tried to explain Twitter to my 80 year old Mother, pretty sure she is now insane.
Dear Diary, the ugly woman at the bank cut in front of me today." Woman: "EXCUSE ME?!" [whispers]"Dear Diary, I think she can hear me."
Not many people can say their Batman wallet matches their underwear like I can.
I wan`t you to know that someone cares. not me, but someone.