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If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
If no one comes from the future to stop you from doing it than how bad of a decision can it really be?
I need a keyboard shortcut for "sorry it`s taken me so long to reply to your text..."
I feel like there’s something missing in my life and I don’t know if it’s a person, a dog, or just a pizza.
Why do I get the feeling that a lot of you are using Facebook as a substitution for prescription meds?
Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year, and then discover once a year is way too often.
My doctor says each piece of bacon takes 9 minutes off your life... If my math is right, I should`ve died in 1781...
People who don’t like pizza are people you don’t need in your life.
I`m not lazy, I just rest before I get tired
Life`s most terrifying 10 seconds: Being held hostage in the corner of the shower by cold water.
What if your soulmate is over there on Twitter while you`re here on Facebook?
Revenge is best served to someone`s toothbrush.
If you didn`t want me looking in your bedroom than you never should have put your window at the same height as my ladder.
I`ve got worms !!!! ......... worms in me garden
Some people should come with subtitles.