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Do you really know me or am I just an idea that you`ve built in your head?
When I die and I`m standing at the gates, I hope they give me the carpenter`s cup challenge from Indiana Jones. I`m totally ready for that one.
My wife always laughs during sex – no matter what she’s reading.
I have a million dollar idea that I will share with the first million people to send me a dollar.
It`s fun to leave a note on the windshield of an expensive car saying sorry I smashed it, but I fixed it so well that you can`t tell.
A vegan friend on FB said if we had to kill our own food, we wouldn`t eat meat... I think if he had to build his own computer he couldn`t whine on FB.
Some people think I`m quiet, others wish I was.
Interviewer: "What did you like best about your last job?" Me: "Sometimes, people had birthdays and there was free cake."
The bad news is I don’t know what I’m doing with my life. The good news is I no longer give a crap.
i got a dig bick..........how many read that wrong
If the customer is always right, then why isn’t anything for free?
Screw you, little sticker on fruit!
“Star Wars” fans are very upset that the story line of the upcoming new “Star Wars” movie has been leaked. Apparently the movie starts with R2-D2, Chewbacca, and Han
Do you really have to breath that much?
I thought there was a spider on the rug but it was just yarn.....it`s dead yarn now, though.