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I put the o in illiterate!
A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
My greatest fear is that I will accidentally use the status update bar as the search bar on my browser.
Your boyfriend has long hair too. I sometimes have trouble figuring out who the girl is in the relationship.
Happy Labor Day to someone who barely labored this year.
lol I rotfl
Sometimes I take a bath because it’s hard to drink wine in the shower.
You can always tell a lot from that first kiss, especially when they say things like "please stop" and "who are you?"
Of all the martial arts, Karaoke inflicts the most pain.
Doing the moonwalk is the only way to look cool while wiping dog crap off your shoes.
Instead of “single” as a relationship option, it should read “independently owned and operated”
Mondays are middle finger approved
eHarmony matched me with a bean bag chair with duct tape on it
So who the heck ever buys the middle grade of gasoline?
There are 2 kinds of coworkers. The ones who keep iPhone 5 chargers at their desks and the ones whose names I don`t know.