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I hate to sound racist, but.. all of your baby ultrasounds look the same.
As soon as the Zombie Apocalypse hits I`m grabbing a sledgehammer and heading down to the local cemetery for the greatest game of Whack-A-Mole ever.
Trust me when I say anyone can dance! - Jack Daniels
The lottery is over $400 million. Sorry poor kids, no dinner tonight...
Just picked the remote up off the floor with my foot while laying on the sofa so I guess today is leg day.
My mother suggested that I get professional help... and that`s when I hired my first hooker.
I can`t remember if I have any repressed memories.
"The more the merrier": My excuse for extra food.
My life is a constant battle of preventing my muffin top from becoming a pound cake.
Just dropped off some film to be processed. More on this story as it develops.
How I talk: 25% swearing, 25% sarcasm 50% a combination of both.
I just read an article about the dangers of drinking that scared the crap out of me. That`s it. No more reading!
I wondered how smokers could afford them, until I realized they don`t have to save for retirement..
If you can`t tell the difference between delivery and Digiorno then you`re a f***ing idiot.
I thought I cracked this "adulthood" till I realised my shirt was on inside out !!!!!