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Helpful Tip: A ceiling fan won`t cut a bagel in half ... Not even on top speed
To trick people into thinking I understand things at a museum I stand in front of every painting and silently count to twenty.
What do you call a dog with no hind legs? Dragon Balls.
White girls be like: I`ll have one triple mocha dark chocolate ugg boot raspberry white iphone 5 double caramel infinity sign frappe please.
"Why haven`t you been answering my pigeons?" - 17th century sext
My pet unicorn told me that I was being delusional again. :/
I love you more each day as my other options diminish.
If I learned anything from my children, it`s that it is always OK to do something stupid, as long as someone DARED you to do it.
What do women say when they are actually fine?
I never mix business with pleasure, ......unless i call an escort.
You’d think my password was “yourmom” because my computer just told me it was too easy.
Never piss off the person that cooks your dinner ... EVER!
So how many pokes does it take before its considered a heavy petting?
Was hating my job until I drove past a grown man dressed as a Taco on the side of the road. Thanks again Perspective
They say love is in every corner… Then my life must be a freakin’ circle.