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Ended a relationship today. Don`t worry, it wasn`t mine.
“If you can’t handle me at my worst, then you don’t deserve me at my best” literally translates to “I’m a loud, sloppy drunk.”
You know your phone can take pictures of other people too right? Just checking.
TEIAM - problem solved
justin bieber
Wish I turned into a wolf every month instead of getting my period
I have come to the conclusion that dryer lint is the cremated remains of all my missing socks.
Don’t get me wrong. I totally hear what you’re saying…I just don’t care.
It’s called “Karma” and it’s pronounced “Haha, f*ck you!”.
I don`t appreciate my son`s teacher circling all the wine stains on his homework.
I don’t trust public opinion polls because they don’t take into consideration the fact that the public is made up of mostly idiots.
What if dogs bring the ball back because they think you enjoy throwing it?
i wasnt that drunk * "bro, you destroyed my mothers garden while screaming F*CK FARMVILLE!"*
I don’t care if it’s 1 A.M. I don’t consider it “tomorrow” until I wake up.
The only thing worse than it raining after you wash your car is having to poop as soon as you get out of the shower.