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I`m at the "what can I make with green beans and cake mix" stage of needing groceries
One day, I will solve my problems with maturity. Today, however, it will be with alcohol.
Didn`t sleep much but I got a few solid hours of worrying done.
It doesn´t matter if the glass is half empty or half full. There is clearly room for more alcohol.
If things always went according to a plan…. life wouldn’t be interesting.
I love you in a bipolar way because I hate you.
People are so weird. You reach under the bathroom stall to tie their shoes and they freak out instead of saying thanks.
I Don’t answer text messages right when I get them so I don’t seem desperate. Then, I forget about them and never respond.
Whenever someone says to me “Things could be worse” I punch them in the face and say “Like that?”
It’s funny how 1 text, 1 song, 1 mistake, 1 lie, 1 truth, and 1 person could change your mood in 1 second.
is it rude to throw a breath-mint in someone`s mouth while they are talking?
All a girl wants is a guy that can make her laugh ... and not just when he drops his pants.
If you take bites out of string cheese rather than rip strings off , you don’t f*cking deserve string cheese.
The best part of being a kid is probably saying, f*ck it. I`m going to be Spider-Man today.
I need to tell you something. I know it is going to break your heart and maybe you will not talk to me after the bad news. But I want you to hear it from me first instead of hearing it from someone else. This is going to make you cry I know. I first thought I must just keep quiet about it but I know it will not be fair on you. I am so ashamed to have to do this but you need to know the truth. Don`t be mad at me please. I will understand if you never want to hear from me ever again but it m