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For once I’d like to get kicked into a bar
If someone is jogging at 7am on a Sunday - it`s because they`ve just killed someone right?
If you wear cowboy clothes, are you ranch dressing?
Nothing says "I mean business" like bringing a shopping cart to the liquor store.
I inboxed a girl on Facebook and she never replied. I guess you could say we`re `seen` each other.
I`m not as smart as I used to be but then again you can`t stay a teenager all of your life.
I`ve been spending so much time on Facebook, that I forgot the internet has porn.
I hate when I`m wearing my apple bottoms jeans and I can`t find boots with the fur.
If A Couple in Love are called Love Birds, then a couple who fight with each other should be called Angry Birds.
A mosquito landed on my balls... Hardest decision of my life.
Two can play that game...` -people who dont understand that`s how games usually work
I`ve spotted six Pokémon today but I don`t have the game so I may need new meds...
We`ve spent years planning and preparing for the zombie apocalypse all for nothing......clowns....its gonna be clowns that finish us off.
Im still waiting for Anheuser-Bush to name a beer "responsibly" so i can drink it!
I`ve got worms !!!! ......... worms in me garden