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I don`t ever need to go sky diving or bungee jumping. Leaving a pizza in the oven while I make a quick run to Walgreens is about all the adrenaline rush I can handle.
I thought Match .com was a place to arrange fights to the death, but turns out it`s a website to find love. So I was close.
Adulthood is mostly about being tired and wishing you hadn’t made plans.
Halfway through singing a romantic ballad to my cat, it occurred to me that I`m going to die alone.
I told everyone at work that I have a twin so that when I see them in public I won`t have to talk to them.
Pringles cans should have a twist mechanism like stick deodorant.
So what if I`m single now ... I mean it can`t be that hard to boil toast, can it?
The TV is so loud! But not quite loud enough to make me get up and get the remote.
Perfect has 7 letters and so does meeeeee ....Coincidence? I think not.
Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but doesn’t get you anywhere.
Beer is the answer...but I can`t remember the question.
I wish I could select all my responsibilities and press delete.
you can´t drink all day if you don´t start in the morning
Teacher: Have a seat! Student: Thanks! *picks up the chair and leaves* -- (°_°)
Secret Web Cam Test: Please nod your head yes if you can read this.