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I just found out that checking your credit score actually LOWERS your credit rating. Seriously? That`s like every time you look in the mirror, you get a little bit uglier.
There are no bad pictures. That`s just how your face looks sometimes.
People reckon I´m too patronizing (that means I treat them as if they´re stupid).
I feel ready to face the world as a responsible adult now that I`ve taken today`s gummy vitamins.
363 shopping days `til Christmas and some people already have their lights up.
My mind says diet, but my stomach is all SHUT UP BITCH.
Diet plan: make friends fatter
slugs are snails that are going through a divorce
Never compliment a woman on her sideburns ... no matter how magnificent they look.
A bunch of us are going out for pancakes when Facebook is over, if you want to come along.
When people introduce themselves to me for the first time, I tell them, “Yes, we’ve met before.” So they feel awkward trying to remember me.
When you can no long help someone, I can - said the coroner.
Finally in bed. No better time to start thinking about every possible thing that has or ever could happen.
People would believe everything I say.. if it wasn`t for everything I say.
I put the “Pro” in Procrastinate.