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A sure fire way to lose an afternoon, is to help a friend out when he says "come on it will only take a half hour to fix"
cable TV.... helping us avoid Presidential speeches for nearly four decades
Bad Morning: As I sit on the throne remembering I used all the toilet paper last night for Halloween pranks.
I want my next girl to be crazy but more "Lets have sex in public" crazy rather than "I throw hot coffee in your face" crazy.
Dear college students, Sorry about your GPA. - Netflix
If someone asks me if I need help finding something in a department store I like to slowly describe a gun
I have my own version of Whole Foods, where I eat the Whole Pizza, Whole Box of Donuts, Whole Bag of Chips...
went to see the conjuring, and now there`s 10 crosses, four bibles, and a poster of Chuck Norris in my room.
The cable company told me they would send a guy out and I need to be home between the hours of 1pm and 2015.
"Trust your gut" is terrible advice. How can I put trust in something that tells me to eat an entire pizza when I get drunk?
I told my family that I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle…So, they got up, unplugged my computer, and threw out my wine.
2011: Come at me bro! 1800`s: Advance towards me brethren!
Confucius would have been great at Status Updates......
Remind me why I work 40 hours a week to be this poor?
Insanity does not run in my family. It strolls through, taking it`s time and getting to know each one of us personally.