Daily Silly Status

I`m starting to think mosquitoes just land on our faces not to suck blood but to see how stupid we look when we slap ourselves.

Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to shop and where to spend it

I bet when Hugh Hefner dies no one will say "He`s in a better place now."

apparently telling my girlfriend her acuracy is as high as a magic 8 ball wasn`t a good idea.

Was going to watch the presidential inauguration today, but found something more interesting on a different channel. Watched "How cow farts affect the ozone layer" on The Science channel.

I`m just going to start wearing a shirt to work that says "I`m good, thanks for asking."

My body is made up of 90% water, 5% pizza and 5% wine.

Sometimes I wrestle with my demons. Other times we just snuggle.

Waterfalls are a beautiful, majestic sight as they pour down upon the rocky crags below. Unless you`re in a canoe and about to plummet to your death. Then waterfalls sorta suck.

Happy Fathers Day from your handsomerist and smarterist son

Love means never having to say you’re sorry until you`ve thought up a good excuse.

I just ran a .003048K

Whenever I feel all alone in the world, I remind myself that I`m a valued customer at several grocery stores.

I`m getting really irritated. This is the tenth ATM I`ve been to in the last week that`s had "insufficient funds".

I organized a threesome last night....there were a couple of no shows, but I still had a good time