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Alright, I admit it. Sometimes when I wave my hands in the air, I actually do care.
Apparently, I did not use enough a$$hole repellent today
I`m not crazy I`m just special! No wait maybe I am crazy.. One second, I have to talk to myself about this hold on...
Why haven’t we just found someone ballsy enough to dress up as Mrs Bigfoot and catch him already?
If you get pulled over in a Smart Car for speeding, you should get a standing ovation, not a ticket.
Alcohol is like laxatives for constipated thoughts. The more you drink, the more sh!t that comes out your mouth.
If I died and went straight to hell, it would take me more than a week to realize that I`m not at work anymore....
My doctor said I’m healthy enough for sex, just not attractive enough.
Why,does facebook want to make the likes one gets on their status like a story,like:peter and 500 others like this,click and see james and 499 others like this............
I read an article the other day that said if you drink every day you are an alcoholic. Thank God I only drink every night.
I really hate it when I have to watch the same channel for 2 days because the remote fell behind the couch.
Keep honking. I´m reloading.
If you have just started playing flappy bird I would like to warn you there is nothing up ahead but more dangling pipes and disappointment
"Don`t try this at home"...Okay, i`ll try it at my friend`s house..
Home is where the alcohol is.