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Black Friday is Americas version of running with the bulls.
Homeless people should make more creative signs like "I bet you can`t hit me with a quarter...b!tch!"
why hello there stalker! Enjoying my profile?(=
I followed my heart...now I`m at the liqour store
It’s strange to think that the sound of nature is the sound of millions of animals desperately trying to get laid.
Baby gates are parents` way of saying "this area is locked until you’ve gained more experience."
So....if the cup is only half full....I suggest buying a smaller bra
I got my stomach by doing as many crunches as I can everyday. Usually either Nestle or Captain.
Life is hard, it`s even harder when your stupid.
All those years of getting horrible elementary school pictures was just society`s way of preparing you for your driver`s license photo.
It`s funny how as you get older you relate more to the villains in Disney than the Princesses.
When we married, she treated me like a God. As time went by, the letters got reversed
Do I regret it? Yes. Would I do it again? Hell Yes.
My Wife does this cute thing where she says that "actions speak louder than words" and then gets pissed at me for just nodding.
Being human is expensive and exhausting.