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Are you bored? Head over to Walmart, go into a fitting room, shut the door, wait awhile, and then yell very loudly, `Hey! There`s no toilet paper in here.`
How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
I`m confused, oh wait, maybe I`m not.
Don´t worry ... It only seems kinky the first time.
Tomorrow is Valentines day, a holiday that comes along once a year to remind you that if you don`t have a special someone...I guess your alone.
Dear future boyfriend/girlfriend, where the hell are you?
If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is, "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is, "Probably because of something you did."
People who live in bouncy castles shouldn’t throw darts.
I`m thinking about starting a vegetarian dance club... I`m going to call it "lettuce turnip the beets". What do you think?
My only trick for looking younger, is when an 80`s song comes on I try to look completely confused and slightly disgusted.
Ever notice your Christmas stocking has just enough room for chocolates and a bottle of wine. Coincidence? I don`t think soooo.
I`m perfect you adjust.
If you enjoy being the 10,000th person to put your thumb into a hole, then bowling is for you.
I like to think all pizzas are personal pizzas.
My best friend sent me a message saying,"Your stupid," I replied,"atleast I know the difference between you`re and your,"