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Of all the bands named after handicapped jungle animals, Def Leppard is my favorite.
That awkward moment when your sarcasm is so advanced people think you`re stupid.
Do people smoke e-cigarettes after sexting?
Happy Wednesday 2014 Everyone!
My boss told me to have a good day so I went home.
They should make an app that tells me how many Oreos I can eat for every mile I jog.
I recently jumped on the back of my psychologist and started counting...1...2...3 and he was so suprised asking me what I was doing and I answered offendedly: "Well you`re the one who said I could always count on you !"
I bet my church never imagined it was even possible to twerk to Amazing Grace.
Life`s most terrifying 10 seconds: Being held hostage in the corner of the shower by cold water.
Coffee gives me the illusion I`m actually awake
You care so much about me? Keep that sh*t to yourself i got my demons under control
Not to get technical, but according to chemistry, alcohol is a solution.
Football: 22 people on the field desperately in need of rest and 75,000 in the stands desperately in need of exercise.
Moses had the first tablet with cloud connectivity.
This isn`t a bakery. We don`t sugarcoat sh!t