Daily Silly Status

So you`ll be able to buy Girl Scout Cookies online this year ... Your move Weight Watchers

I hope these bad jokes distract you from the fact you`re getting screwed. - Car insurance commercials

If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.

My insurance company said if my tent is stolen while I`m camping, I won`t be covered.

I dreamed about you last night, and so you know; Shame on you!!

Do you realize that Scrooge was essentially water-boarded into changing his outlook on Christmas?

My boss told me that there is no such thing as problems, only opportunities. I said, “That’s great. Well I have a serious drinking opportunity.”

Etc... A word used to make others believe that you know more than you actually do

This morning I jogged for 30 swear words.

I hate when I oversleep at work and get home late.

Retirement plans compared .. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00. With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original $1000. With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49.00 left. If you had purchased United Airlines, you would have nothing left. But, if you had purchased $1000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for recycl

My resume is really just a list of things I never want to do again.

That one day of fame on Facebook because it`s your birthday.

if drinking destroys your memory .... what does drinking do ?

I’m dedicating this status update to all the status-less people out there. Stay strong.