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If McDonald`s was smart they`d serve breakfast until 2pm on the weekends.
1 in 5 bosses will let you leave work early if you claim to have `lady problems` then start crying. It works even better for guys.
Sorry for illegally downloading your music, guy who mostly makes songs about doing crime.
My husband ran for 30 minutes on the treadmill. He`s told every other person on earth and I didn`t want y`all to be out of the loop.
I wonder if Alex Trebek’s tombstone will say ‘Who was the host of Jeopardy?’
Sometimes I order fajitas at a restaurant just to get more attention.
You know you’re working class when your TV is bigger than your book case.
I gave up my Ego, because I am so much better than that..................
I used to care what you thought of me, then I remembered what I thought of you.
Sneezing is like using sonar to find polite people.
I`ve just finished doing my hair, want to come over and mess it all up?
Men wear the pants in the relationship but women control the zipper.
just want to point out that Cinderella is living proof that shoes can change your life!
The only way to communicate with a drunk person is to get hammered too.
You know that look women get when they want sex ? ..........me neither.