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I would like to wish all of the groundhogs a very safe and happy Groundhogs Day.
Back in my day, we didn’t have computers or the internet. Everyone had to walk uphill for days to tell me I’m an a$$hole.
Tupperware: When you want to throw out your food some other day.
I wish banks would do a better job of keeping their ATMs filled. This is the fourth one I`ve been to that is saying "Insufficient Funds."
Uhm, excuse me waiter... I`d like to return my food. It only received 5 likes on Instagram.
Facebook crushes are all fun and games until someone buys a plane ticket.
I hate it when spiders just sit there acting like they pay rent.
I found the key to happiness ... Stay away from a$$holes.
I have said it before. I will at it again. If anyone is into wife swapping. I will take a dirtbike or a puppy. Hit me up.
Behind every successful status update, there is a Ctrl C & Ctrl V
Noise cancelling toilets should be a thing.
FYI: You can buy wedding cake even if there`s no wedding, those suckers don`t even check
Reaching under the couch for something is the closest I’ll ever get to yoga.
So exactly what age will I stop falling over while trying to put on my underwear?
I pulled my wife`s panties to the side.......then put the rest of her socks in the drawer.