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This liquor store needs a dollar menu.
Just when you think you have the answer a woman will be there to change the question.
Oh look, it`s raining outside. I think I`ll go on Facebook and update all my friends that don`t have a window of their own.
The funniest thing about this Facebook status is by the time you realize it doesn`t say anything important, it`s to late for you to stop reading it ... sucker
I wouldn`t be surprised if my kids think the phrase "goddamn douchebag" means someone who pulls out in front of your car without signaling.
Sometimes I have to tell myself, "It`s not worth the jail time!"
Ladies, when it comes to doggy style.....I`m behind you 100%
My wrinkles are all from laughter. Except those between my eyebrows. Those are my `WTF` lines and those things are deep.
I was standing in front of the mirror earlier, admiring my six pack for hours. But it got really warm so I put it back in the fridge.
Do strippers have nightmares where they are in front of a large crowd with their clothes on?
FACT: The higher pitched my "hey!" the greater the chance I don`t remember who you are.
Google must be a woman...it knows everything.
Just once I`d like a doctor to tell me I`m not getting enough beer in my diet.
So I met an Egyptian ... they walk just like us.
If Iām going to sweep all of my problems under the rug, then Iām going to need a bigger rug.