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Hendrix didn`t need to twerk on stage. He performed the old fashioned way, relying only on his musical talents and near lethal doses of LSD.
Anyone who believes that children are our future has not been to a mall recently.
My password is SupermanHulkThorGoku, that`s the strongest password I can think of.
Have we even tried giving Mother Nature a Snickers?
I posted one little joke claiming to have won the lottery and Facebook finds me 1,347 new possible relatives.
Hell yes, I would love to get stoned to death. Wait, rocks?! What rocks?
If you`re in your car, go ahead and pick your nose, because the car makes you invisible.
A procrastinator`s work is never done...
So the state trooper said "I`ve been following you with my lights flashing for three miles. Why didn`t you pull over?" and I said "Well, a few years ago my wife ran away with a state trooper and I was worried that you were trying to return her."
I seem to start my day backwards. I wake up tired and I go to bed wide awake.
It’s getting harder and harder to find vodka-flavored vodka.
He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
If a Jehovah`s Witness dies and goes to heaven does God hide behind the Pearly Gates and pretend he`s not home?
If I had a time machine, I`d just keep going back every 8-9 hours so I could sleep more.
If you like to spoon, you`ll love to spatula. That`s where I flip you over to make certain you`re done properly on both sides.