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People treat New Year’s like some sort of life changing event. If your life sucks today, it’s probably still going to suck tomorrow ... Just sayin
You`ve reached the limitations of my medications.
When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.
Watching a movie with the girlfriend tonight. Can anyone recommend a good girlfriend?
The older I get .... The more dangerous it is to sneeze
loves driving down the road and just waving at random people like you know them!:D
It’s like I wanna be left alone but I still want people to notice my absence, you know.
I hate it when I think I`m buying organic vegetables and I get home to discover they`re just regular doughnuts.
I hate that part of the morning where I have to get out of bed and participate in real life.
Improve your memory by doing unforgettable things.
I just broke a light bulb. Damn, is that 7 years of bad ideas.
Today is opposite day. Wait...if today is opposite day and I say that it is opposite day that means today isn`t opposite day. If it isn`t opposite day then how cAn I say today is opposite dAy? I`m so confused -.-
I`m surrounded by sex addicts & alcoholics. So glad I found y`all.
Some people are grateful for the impact you made in their life…. It’s not me, I think you’re a pr!ck.
I dont hate you but, if you put `just about to jump off a cliff` as your facebook statuses i would poke you