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To all my Facebook friends. Have a happy St. Patrick`s day, and all the festivities this weekend. Stay safe, enjoy life, and if you by chance happen to find a bartender who is bad at math...give me a call :)
The best things in life are free, but they still screw you on shipping.
What if Deja Vu meant you lost a life and you are starting back off at your last checkpoint.
I dont know about you guys, but I am amazed Pringles is able to constantly grow the same shaped potato. Science.
If a Jehovah`s Witness dies and goes to heaven...does God hide behind the pearly gates and pretend he`s not in?
I`ve been working with this alcohol free program for like six months and it`s really taken a toll on me ... I mean, I`m broke and as far as I`m concerned, they can buy their own alcohol.
The world would be a better place if we all got along like the "Price is Right" audience.
My neighbors complained that I never mow my lawn. So I started mowing. The cops showed up at 3 a.m.. These neighbors are never happy...
Hawaii is a great place to live if you hate being eligible for contests.
Vodka: Taking you from a 6 to a 10 in five easy shots
Just because you`re not paranoid doesn`t mean they`re not out to get you.
Don`t blame me, I was born awesome ;)
I will probably die as a result of being sarcastic to the wrong person at the wrong time.
So apparently, all you can eat buffets do not include the waitresses...
You know you are in the hood when your portable GPS says “Drive faster and put me under the seat.”