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Whoever named the seesaw probably didn’t get another chance to name stuff.
I`m not Unemployed, I`m just taking my next job`s vacation in advance...
I need new swear words.
I walked a girl home last night, and things got a little awkward at one point when she turned around and found out I was walking her home.
I just saw a woman getting into a car the wrong way ... Through the driver’s door.
I relate to Game of Thrones because much like my own life, I have no idea what`s going on and there`s a lot of wine drinking.
I saw a bumper sticker today that said "I miss New York", so I smashed their window and snatched their laptop...
Police ordered me to get out of my car `You`re staggering` said the officer .`you`re not to bad looking yourself` I replied
Stop saying I`m hard to shop for. Surely you know where the liquor store is
Whenever you feel sad, just remember that somewhere in this world there`s an idiot pulling a door that says "PUSH"..
If each day is a gift, I wonder where I can return monday.
I`m so lonely I drive around town with a coffee cup glued to the roof of my car just so people will wave at me.
Got a paper cut turning the pages in my self-defense book.
You can not force anyone to love you ... The best you can do is stalk them and hope they give in :)
Whoever made up the saying "It`s the thought that counts" never got a pair of crocs for Christmas.