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To be truthful from deep down ... I don`t believe that paper beats rock.
Leaving the house would be so much cooler if someone would yell “Aaaaand Action!” as I walk out the door.
Its not my fault if I blame everyone for my mistakes...right?
No matter how loud you crank the bass, it`s still a minivan.
How about a ceiling fan with brakes so I don`t have to stand there for 10 seconds wondering if I actually turned it off.
I`ve found that the things I`m most interested in aren`t really in my best interest.
I used to eat natural food, until I heard people were dying of natural causes
Teacher: Have a seat! Student: Thanks! *picks up the chair and leaves* -- (°_°)
Struggling to get your wife`s attention?.....just sit down and look comfortable.
You`re always ahead of schedule when it comes to disappointing me.
Adam didn`t take any crap from Eve. He wore the plants in that relationship
Ringing in the “New Year” apparently is not a valid excuse for showing up to work 3 hours late… in October.
Plumber: you have hard water. Me: you mean like ice?
Back before Walmart, you used to have to buy a ticket to see a bearded woman.
Ugh, stalkers are horrible. You`d think someone could`ve let me know I was out of toilet paper.