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Why is it called "Alien vs Predator"? Isn`t predator an alien too? They should`ve just called it "Some Aliens"
Everyone has their area of expert knowledge.... if any of you need tips on how to do absolutely nothing amazingly well, let me know.
When you`re accused of buying someone a gift last-minute at Walgreens, don`t reveal you actually went to Walgreens a month ago.
FINALLY home from work! So, yea...if your phone number is on your profile...I will be drunk dialing you in about 30 minutes or so.
A broken clock is right twice a day. I guess what I am saying is, that a broken clock is right more than you.
Wednesday, you’d be a lot cooler if you were Friday night.
Not to brag, but I don’t need to smoke pot to get the munchies.
New Years - the only day where its socially acceptable to drink this early.
I slept on the sofa last night which is weird because I`m not even married.
Coffee`s a great way to fool yourself into believing you`re going to have a productive day.
Arguing over a girl`s bust size is like choosing between Heineken, Coors or Budweiser -- Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.
The great thing about snow is it makes your lawn look as good as your neighbors.
It`s always so awkward ending phone calls with loved ones, I always say "I love you" and they`re like, "thank you for choosing domino`s"
I would like to publicly apologize to anyone I have NOT offended…I will get to you shortly.
I used to be so broke when homeless people saw me coming by they would hide their change cups.