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Coffee – because most people frown on alcohol first thing in the morning.
Money may not buy you happiness, but it does buy you all the sh1t you want!
The sexiest fantasy in 50 Shades Of Grey is the bit where she gets a job in journalism without having to do years of unpaid work experience.
Still waiting for the day I can illegally download groceries
No one in my family has ever actually used the Olive Garden gift card. We just keep passing it down from generation to generation.
Why can’t I lose weight easily I mean I lose everything else without a problem.
I`m God`s gift to women if he stopped at a gas station last minute.
In the beginning, God created Heaven and Earth. Everything else was made in China
I got up this morning and think I saw my shadow. I´m going back to bed for six weeks.
In case I drink too much and pass out for a while, Merry Christmas you guys.
It’s people that give drinking a bad name.
What if Spider Man has to stop a crime in the countryside
I’ve thought about it, and there still is no good reason for me to grow up.
Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you`ll be really far away from me with your motivational nonsense.