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My bank account is more like a countdown to homelessness.
They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.
If your lawyer has a ponytail, you`re going to jail
Autocorrect is a great feature, but it can also be your worst enema.
Rappers seem to have an unhealthy interest in female dogs, don`t they?
Knife > gun because if I pull a knife, you don`t know what I`m gonna do. Stab you? Open a letter? Or am I gonna frost a cake? It`s a mystery
Peanut butter and jelly. That´s what I like in my belly
Some people should calm down, take a deep breath and then hold it for 20 minutes.
I just burned 1200 calories.I forgot the pizza in the oven.
If a vegan does crossfit which do they talk about first?
How to find the perfect wife: Play monopoly with her. if she chooses the iron, she`s the one.
90% of being a dad is yelling about doors being left open while the air conditioning is running.
Had a great time watching the family oriented PG rated Shrek with my grandson last night... until he asked why a Donkey would have sex with a Dragon.
I don`t think stupid people understand how much effort goes into not punching them in the face
I hope common sense is the next cool trend.