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Thank God! the women with 3 boobs was a hoax... I just couldn`t wrap my hands around it....
Saw my Ex with some guy at a bar last night... so I ordered a beer, took a few sips then gave her date the rest of my drink... Walked away.
Four out of five voices in my head are saying this is gonna´ be a great day.
Turns out people who say they love hot sauce on anything are liars. In other news, I`ve recently been banned from making the classroom coffee.
Research shows that, when someone shouts "Oh no he didn`t!" ... He in fact did.
I wonder who the first person was to look at a beehive and think, "those bastards are hiding something delicious in there, I know it!"
Apparently some strangers don’t need a hug.
It`s Sunday or as I like to call it, "No pants day".
I always read my girlfriend’s horoscope to see what kind of day I`m going to have.
I finally saw Kung Fu Panda. I`m certainly not an expert, but I thought the nunchuck scene looked kind of fake.
I just realized that Mr. Rogers had the first man-cave.
I wish the minutes after hitting the snooze button lasted as long as microwave minutes.
The hardest thing about my juice cleanse is trying to juice Snickers
Currently training for when they inevitably make drinking an Olympic sport.
Congratulation! You`ve won a lifetime supply of air! Not valid under water, in space, when dead, or while choking.