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So exhausting to have my life changed for the better every time someone posts a screenshot of a famous quote.
"We`re pregnant!" -people who don`t understand science
I just burned 1200 calories! I forgot about the pizza in the oven.
Stalking is such a strong word. I perfer the term surveillance expert.
I don’t know why Tampax and Hershey have not joined forces yet. Taping a pack of Reese’s to a box of tampons could literally save lives.
I get worried when someone posts a kitten pic with a foreign language, I don`t know if they`re showing a cute kitty pet or their dinner.
It`s pretty amazing how many times my daughter likes to say "it`s not fair!" considering she has never had to pay taxes
I`d be so much more successful if some of my ancestors had just married better.
If you`re ever lost in the woods and have a compass, the compass can help you be lost more north.
If I`ve learned anything from these ghost hunter shows, it`s that everyone speaks English after they die.
Ghetto wet floor sign: Caution Bitches Be Trippin
Everyone always wants to date the hot crazy chick.....Till you`re standing outside watching your house burn.
When you`re a kid, it makes you feel proud when someone says "Wow! You`ve gotten so big since the last time I saw you!" As an adult, not so much.
The only benefit of getting new clothes for Christmas is that I don`t have to do laundry for another week or two.
Of all the advice given to me over the years, “There really is no bad time for a beer” has proved to be the most helpful.