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Why are you showing me pictures of your kid if you have a dog?
It’s a good thing not everyone has a smartphone. Someone has to honk when the light turns green.
Insanity means never having to say “I’m Guilty”.
Today I discovered that two wrongs definitely don`t make a right. Tomorrow I`m going to try three.
If airports are so safe, why are the buildings called Terminal
I poured some shampoo over my speakers today and they blew up... So much for EXTRA VOLUME.
Best way to get a man to do something, is to suggest they are too old for it.
Do you ever dislike someone so much that you hate when people are nice to them?
Never call a woman crazy because she will say, “I’m not crazy!” and then go and do something crazy. Probably with matches.
My road to success is under construction and all the workers are out getting sh!tfaced.
Don`t judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect.
that awkward moment when you`re alone somewhere and trying to take a picture of yourself.
They say a dog can retrieve a tennis ball from over a mile away. Seems a bit far fetched to me.
I just wish the automatic paper towel dispensers were half as sensitive as the automatic flushers.
I bet the women who only post about sex are probably some of the nicest men you’ll ever meet in person.