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Chess says everything about men & women. The King has to take things one step at a time, while the Queen can do whatever the hell she wants.
I order all my food with extra gluten.
There is something so unique about me, that even I can`t figure it out...
I need a vacation ... or this fifth of Jack -Me at the liqiour store
Nothing ruins a perfectly good mood like reality.
Sarcasm: just one of the many services I offer ;)
I like when google answers my stupid questions because it means Iām not the only one asking google stupid questions.
You know what would make my cubicle super cute? Fire.
I can`t be the only one who thinks "Game on, mother f*cker" when I see an air freshner in a bathroom.
If you have a mirror handy, kindly gaze into it and you will find your problem
If anyone lost a roll of hundred dollar bills, with a rubber band around it...... I found the rubber band.
The tragedy of Scooby-Doo is that whoever kept supplying criminals with such realistic prosthetic masks was never caught.
I give movies with 2 stars a 5 on Netflix because if I sat through this piece of sh!t, I want you to as well.
That awkward moment when the creepy guy in the white van doesn`t have candy...
Being fabulous all day makes me really, really tired