Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Nothing makes me turn off my car and start leisurely Facebooking than someone honking at me to pull out of a parking space.
At long last, I`ve finished my research into the effect alcohol has on physical movement.....The results were, quite frankly, staggering.
There is no such thing as a stupid question, but there are such things as stupid people who ask questions.
Hi, you`ve reached my voicemail. Send me a text like a normal person.
If you`ve never put fake blood capsules in your mouth before going to the dentist you are too mature to be my friend.
Walmart: the only place on Earth you can get a haircut, eye exam, ice cream sandwich, tires for your car, and witness a real life "what not to wear" episode.
Make a random stranger`s day by walking up to them and saying "This isn`t real. You have to wake up"
It must really suck to take life so seriously that you can’t enjoy it.
Yes officer, I know my driving is not 100% perfect, but you have to agree that it is still pretty good for someone who is completely drunk.
Understanding women number 476,395: Women like to talk about their feelings.
I need to start setting an alarm to go to bed.
Happiness is realizing you can have as many drinks as you want ... cause you`re not driving.
The Gym is like Church. Everybody thinks that by going one hour, one day, they`ll erase what they did during the week.
It makes me sad that the closest I`ll ever get to `hulking out` is splitting my trousers when I bend over.
I`m so lonely I drive around town with a coffee cup glued to the roof of my car just so people will wave at me.