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My tacos arrived with a fork on the plate. I can only guess it`s there to stab potential taco thieves.
The pollen levels are so high this year that it has the crackheads trying to convert their meth back into Sudafed...
Does anyone have the owner’s manual for a wife? Mine’s emitting a terrible whining noise.
Love is like hearing your favorite song for the first time. Then listening to it over and over again till you hate that song.
I forgot to pay my bill to the exorcist and so I got re-possesed.
The guy who decided how to spell bologna was clearly in over his head.
My car broke down outside a massage parlor on today ... And again tomorrow.
I’m pretty sure putting time limits on when breakfast is served is unconstitutional.
I`m going to propose with a mood ring so I can easily see a measurement of how excited she really is.
Karma takes too long ..... I`d rather beat the sh%t out of you.
Orion`s Belt is a huge waist of space.
I watched my first porn movie today. I looked so much younger back then...
If I`ve learned anything from these ghost hunter shows, it`s that everyone speaks English after they die.
They say I have a drinking problem. I say they have a problem with nudity.
Chuck E Cheese: Because it`s never too early to introduce your children to gambling and bad nutrition.