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There are no winners the day following a green beer, corned beef, and cabbage binge.
thinks there are times when your the most beautiful girl in the world, and there are times when I’m sober.
My girlfriend wanted me to show her a good time, so I showed her pictures of me before we met.
"I`m sorry" and "I apologise" mean the same thing...except when you`re at a funeral.
The best part about Valentine`s Day is that tomorrow is Friday.
I was all ears until you said something that sounded like advice.
OMG!!!!! I almost went to the toilet without my phone!
Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don`t know. Inspirational post are hard.
"Can`t touch this." ... "Can`t touch this." ... "Can`t touch this."--MC Hammer giving a Museum tour
I love how television has redefined the word `marathon` to the exact opposite of physical exercise
I dream about naps.
Studies show it’s totally okay for me to just say “studies show” in front of whatever I want to say.
Dear whoever ate my fries while I was in the ball pit at McDonalds... Not funny, grow up.
I dont have awkward moments I have "special" moments.e.g That "special" moment when my "special" ex learns that karma exist..
I have a tattoo of a gigantic bruise on my left ankle in case anyone ever asks me to go hiking. Or help them move.