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Funniest thing ever heard on TV. "Ward, you were a little hard on the Beaver last night"
Fun Fact: Even though they call it a "man hole", you can shove women and children down it just fine.
If you have no regrets in life, you clearly have never gone out with me.
It takes a lot of courage for a man to admit his wife is wrong...
My girlfriend wants to get married. I hope she finds someone nice.
Once a month, women go completely crazy for about thirty days.
Do the other settings on the washer actually do anything?
Dear vegetarians, thanks for saving all the good food for us.
If you can`t read the bottom of the eye chart, spell something dirty. Eye doctors love that sh!t.
The best part of winter coming is that all the bugs are rotting in hell where they belong.
You´re never too old to learn something stupid.
I can’t tell if I’m hungry, but better eat just in case.
I`ve decided to start taking more supplements: calcium pills for my bones, ginkgo pills for my memory, milk thistle for my liver, ginkgo pills for my memory...
My buddy told me he was going to Beerfest this weekend, I asked him where, he said "any bar I walk into!!!"
I got so much Crazy going on that the term "Bi-Polar" would be excessively underestimating my condition, let`s go with "Multi-Polar" from now on.........