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Was the little pig who decided to built his house out of straw some sort of f***ing idiot?
Sometimes I say stuff without even meaning to be funny and I`m like "Man, my subconsicious is hilarious!"
I`m starting to think all that stuff about Y2K is not going to happen !
I`m not shy. I`m just being quiet because I know that if I open my mouth to speak, a flow of never- ceasing, insulting comment directed at you will immediately spew from within me.
I wanted to say thank you to all the people who gave me a reason to drink this Friday night.
Hey you know what will go good with all that beer you just drank? Social media and a camera phone!
There must be an easier way to transport long poles across canyons other than walking across a tightrope carrying one pole at a time.
Fellas.....the girl on the flyer is never at the club
Tequila... It`s not just for breakfast anymore...
Beach Rule #17: Never ask anyone under the age of 35 if they`ve seen your shuttlecock
As I got older my six-pack turn into a keg.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else...
My girlfriend is gorgeous, selfless, graceful, highly intelligent and looking over my shoulder as I type.
Its so hot I used my blow dryer as a cooling fan!
My entire working knowledge of automotive repair is derived from the song "The Wheels on the Bus"