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Just remember the only thing standing between you and your dreams is your talent
I just ordered a Life Alert bracelet so if I ever get a life I`ll be notified immediately.
Do you think people in Mexico ever say, "Those jobs keep stealing all our Mexic?ns!"
Dropping a can of soda and sticking it back in the fridge all shaken up for the next person to open is not as funny when you live by yourself.
The only thing alcohol can`t cure is alcoholism.
How come there`s never enough dirt to refill the hole even after you`ve put the body in? Asking for a friend
yelling at the referee that he made a mistake has never worked, No Referee has never turned around and said, "Why yes your are right silly me I did make a mistake, penalty denied, goal kick"
Famous words from Fergie... "Boom Boom Pow!" Happy 4th of July!!
The worst part about being single is always doing what I want. Anytime. Anywhere. With whomever. That sucks.
I have my hesitations about Paradise City if the first thing you brag about is the color of the grass
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know.
Why don`t they make Neapolitan ice cream but with 3 better flavors?
Why is it always the same person getting in your way from start to checkout at the grocery store?
So, All my exes live in Texas; Exactly, how does one go about scheduling a tornado ?