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Statistically, 132% of all people exaggerate.
Laughter is the best medicine. Unless you have diarrhea!
"Please don`t put a million dumb photos of me on your Facebook... it just annoys your friends" - Every baby
I just want to buy an old Mercedes Benz,so people will think I have been rich for a long time.
If you have a parrot and you don’t teach it to say,”Help, they’ve turned me into a parrot” ...you`re wasting everybody’s time.
The only correct answer to "Are you ticklish?" is "I will kill you."
I remember when vodka was just vodka flavored ...
Is it wrong to drop off drunks at houses that aren`t theirs?
How to cure a headache: 1. Drink a glass of water. 2. Take 10 deep breathes. 3. Give headache your credit card & tell her to go to the mall.
Pretty sure I look forward to my boss` vacation`s more than he does.
I was jogging earlier and...LMAO, I`m sorry...I can`t start a status with such ridiculousness.
It`s been discovered that 1% of the population is allergic to Gluten. The other 99% are sick and tired of hearing about it......
I hear lots of doctors are prescribing medical marijuana for arthritis. Given that arthritis is "inflammation of the joints", it`s fighting fire with fire!
I was fired from my job at the sperm bank for saying "get a load of this guy" every time someone walked in
The way my dog acts, you`d think his entire family was murdered by a vacuum cleaner.