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great day! laundry done, dishes and house cleaned.... who am I kidding? been drinking since 9 am!!
By the time someone says something in the meeting worth writing down, I`ve likely already taken my pen apart and lost the spring.
I don`t need to go to church in order to feel ashamed of myself on Sunday morning.
I f*cking hate you. Hope that clears things up.
Q: What do you call apple-flavoured marijuana? A: iPot
Never compliment a woman on her sideburns ... no matter how magnificent they look.
You know it´s going to be a bad day when your horoscope starts with.. "Are you sitting down?"
I can explain it to you, but I can’t understand it for you.
It`s important to teach your children math so they can better understand what episode of Star Wars they are watching.
I’m not lazy, I’m on energy saving mode.
What if dogs bring the ball back because they think you enjoy throwing it?
7.1 billion people in the world. 0 willing to lower their standards and date me.
Whenever a wrong number calls me and hangs up I always call em back and tell them it was their loss because I`m really fun to talk to.
when in Rome get naked ;)
There should be a mercy rule for how many pics a girl can upload from her vacation.