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Welcome to Alzheimer`s Club. I see a lot of new faces today.
I`d hate to be a dragon .....I`d get so pissed tryin to blow out my birthday candles.
Whenever someone invites me to their home and I see more than 3 cars parked outside, I keep driving just in case it`s an intervention.
One of my biggest fears is that my car secretly records me singing.
There`s no easy way to tell someone you lost their kid in a high stakes game of duck duck goose.
I hope the final frame of Breaking Bad is white text on black background: "None of this would have happened if we had Universal Healthcare."
You post all of your drama on Facebook. Then get upset when people judge you? You must be a special kind of stupid.
You never know how dirty a song’s lyrics are…until you hear a child sing them.
I`m CDO. It`s like OCD but the letters are in alphabetical order. LIKE THEY SHOULD BE!!!
Just shaved my legs for the first time since October...just kidding, it`s not warm enough for that yet.
If it`s any consolation, your Doppelganger is probably having a really awesome day.
Internet Dating......The Odds are good but the Goods are odd
You know that greener grass you see over there? You do realize it`s because they fertilize it with bullsh!t right?
I`ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.!!
Sometimes I ask myself why do I stay up so late? Then I tell myself it`s none of my damn business.