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I just made 3 critical errors: 1. I woke up for work. 2. I went to work. 3. I arrived at work.
The world would be a much nicer place if everyone took a chill pill. It would be even better if some of them choked on it.
Sorry that most of my hilarious jokes are borderline inappropriate. And by sorry, I mean you`re welcome.
If I agree with you, we would both be wrong.
Mall kiosk employees are basically human pop up ads.
If the cigarette tax is meant to discourage smoking, is the income tax meant to discourage working?
Too bored to do nothing. Too lazy to do anything.
Dear future boyfriend/girlfriend, where the hell are you?
WHEW! I just had a near-work experience.
Pregreening - creeping forward while waiting for a red light to change.
If I had a dollar for every time someone told me I was ugly, I`d be broke as hell because I`m a sexy beast!!
Pulling out a winter coat and going through the pockets to find out who I was 8 months ago.
I`d rather be someone`s shot of whiskey than everyone`s cup of tea.
I`ve just been watching a documentary on marijuana...... I think all documentaries should be watched this way.
A quiet man, is a thinking man. A quiet woman, is usually mad.