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I just want someone who will love me for the a$$hole that I am ;)
I watch CSI for the great tips they give out.
Don’t you hate when the person you’re Facebook-stalking never updates anything?
Today, A 12 year-old came up to me and said "May I please have a cigarette?". I can`t believe kids this age are already so polite.
Don´t worry ... It only seems kinky the first time.
Judging from all the misery and carnage on my newsfeed, I`m assuming it`s Monday.
People are like music, some speak the truth and others are just noise.
I don`t get why he counts the beer before he leaves to work... There`s never any left when he comes home.
All I`m saying is you don`t see many neck tattoos on Jeopardy.
If u think someone (me) is cute u should tell them (me)
Hey bill collectors, nice try, but I don`t even call back people I know.
Dear Toilet Paper Makers, We`ve all unexpectedly run out at some point. Please make the tube in the center softer. Thank you...
My lucks so bad if I bought a cemetery people would stop dying.
At what number beer are you offically not working from home anymore?
I`m glad I don`t work in an office. I can only imagine the smell at lunch time when everybody opens their egg salad sandwiches today.