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Today I saw a baby with a bib that said `This dumbass put my cape on backwards.`
Premature ejaculation and hide and seek have one thing in common. 1 2 3 ready or not here I come.
Saw my Ex with some guy at a bar last night... so I ordered a beer, took a few sips then gave her date the rest of my drink... Walked away.
is available for rebound sex.
According to these court documents, the way to a woman`s heart isn`t through her bedroom window.
You should probably take everything I say with a grain of salt. And lime. And shot of tequila.
Shout out to the new couples still holding in farts.
Remember, you can always run from your problems. Unless your problem is a Cheetah.....then you`re screwed!
Let`s be honest. If God wanted us to be vegetarians, he would have made cows faster.
thumbs up if you pee on the side of the toilet to make it quiet.
I need more people like me in my life
I read that taking a long, hot bath can help with managing stress. Unfortunately my boss doesn`t approve.
Whenever a stranger asks our baby’s name, I always say he hasn’t told us yet.
The true trollers are the ones who troll the trolls.
My boss yelled at me yesterday "It`s the fifth time you`ve been late to work this week! Do you know what that means?!" I said, "Probably that it`s Friday?"…