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It doesn`t matter whether the glass is half empty or half full. There`s clearly room for more Alcohol
Girls don`t dress for guys, they dress for themselves. If they dressed for guys they would be naked all the time
Today is "National Take Your Flask To Work Day." ... I just made it up. Tell the others.
Sorry, I`m in a hurry, lets talk while we walk... You go that way.
A graham cracker is just a white dude selling coke in the ghetto.
So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes out of nowhere.
When a girl tells you that she just had her period, you are officially in the friendzone.
Bars are Weird Its the only Business that kicks you out for buying TOO much of their Product
Inviting a friend to play Candy Crush Saga is like hosting an intervention and providing the crack.
It’s a good job Apple isn’t in charge of New Year. We’d all be expecting 2015 and get 2014S instead.
Facebook becomes 100 times more entertaining when you have work to do.
He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
Walmart...because going to Target requires identity theft protection and a shower.
Facebook is not all about likes and shares. . . Like and share if you agree.
I always scratch off the "Plus One" option on wedding invitations are replace it with "Drinking for two"