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Did you guys know grammar police rhymes with humorless a$$hole?
Have you hugged you bartender today.
Nothing like responsibility to ruin a perfectly good day.
Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me, it means a lot.
I wish more people would give me the silent treatment.
I just stepped on a cornfkake does that make me a cereal killer ?
The number one reason why trick or treating is better than sex is, you can do the whole neighborhood.
Soccer is just like my sex life. Long periods of time with no action followed by pure shock & surprise by all parties involved when I score.
Sometimes I think my job is actually a hidden-camera game show where they see how much absurd bullshit I’ll put up with before I catch on.
If you`re ever lost in the woods and have a compass, the compass can help you be lost more north.
So many Jehovah`s Witnesses and yet still not a shred of Jehovah`s Evidence.
It`s a bird.. it`s a plane..no wait..it`s a blade of grass....
My life coach just informed me that I didnt make the team
Exactly when in American history did Americans stop having British accents?
I snuck popcorn into the movie theatre but they won`t let me use their microwave.