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Apparently you have to go to the gym more than once to get in shape, what the hell.
I am currently watching the Holy Grail of horror movies. There are 10 minutes left and the black guy is still alive.
Dear Noah, we could have sworn you said the arc wasn`t leaving until 5. Sincerely, unicorns.
Every year new words are added onto the dictionary, yet no new positions are added to the karma sutra.
When I bust a move , it stays busted.
It`s weird how after they couldn`t put Humpty Dumpty back together the King`s men were like "Let`s give the horses a shot at it"
I get a real kick out of people who drive a mile in their car to run a mile on a treadmill.
I wonder what happens when a doctor’s wife eats an apple a day.
If you`ve never actually got dressed, got in your car & pretended to drive "to work" to get a chick to leave your house then you`re not me.
Dear person reading this, just want you to know that someone cares about you. It`s not me, but I`m sure someone does...
Depresso; the feeling you get when you’ve run out of coffee.
I`m tired of hearing about Republicans this and Democrats that. For Christ`s sake people, don`t you realize on July 15th the Twinkie comes back?!?!?!?!
Don`t blame me, I was born awesome ;)
80% of my life is pulling percentages out of thin air and stating them as facts...
Reasons I check my voicemail: 1% to hear the message. 99% to get rid of that annoying icon.