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Happy 1 year anniversary to the Lean Cuisine in my freezer!
There is a big difference between a guy and a girl saying "I went through an entire box of tissues during that movie."
I hate it when I mean to buy seedless grapes but instead I accidentally get...well you know...Oreos.
Before criticizing my taste, remember that I like you.
There really should be awards for getting out of bed.
It`s only a 4 way stop if each driver can read
Not remembering where I set my drink down must be the same feeling parents have when they lose their four year old at the mall.
Textaphrenia – thinking you’ve heard or felt a new text message vibration when there is no message.
I`m opening a bar called The Office. You`re welcome guys. "Be home soon sweetie, I`m at The Office"
If a man says you`re ugly, he`s being mean. If a woman says you`re ugly, she`s jealous. If a little kid says you`re ugly, then you`re ugly.
Exercise can add years to your life. For example, I just ran 2 miles and I now feel like I`m 82.
Why eat a carrot when you can just as easily not eat a carrot?
If I ever get to an age where the music from the ice cream truck doesn`t make me excited, pull the plug.
Pretty impressed at petrol station today, as i was filling up, i heard woman with truck at next pump say is that Vin Diesel, I smiled, then realised she meant Van Diesel :-/
You´d be amazed how often I´m wrong when people say guess what